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Anyway, my sister Natalie was coming up from the big smoke for a visit to get away from the problems she was having, like her bastard of a husband Robert who, after not wanting kids for years, duffs up (gets pregnant) his secretary and decides that he wants a family, with her. Needless to say Nat is somewhat less than impressed and isn’t taking it too well, so she’s coming to cry on my shoulder, although I don’t know what help I’ll be, given my track record with women and relationships. I, at thirty years of age, am still a bachelor, but not a virgin, I hasten to add. I’ve had a couple of unsuccessful attempts at relationships, the most spectacular failures were at B&S (Bachelors and Spinsters) balls, these are just a ginormous excuse for a piss up and shag fest, I think I was the only person who expected any lasting benefit. I even applied to go on a reality TV show called ‘The Farmer Wants a Wife’ but wasn’t accepted because they didn’t think that I was desperate enough. What would. I tried to back away but in doing so found myself jammed against other sweaty bodies. One of them belonged to a delicate-looking girl, not my usual type but very pretty with her long blonde hair and big beautiful eyes. Suddenly I felt a movement in my pocket. Thinking for a moment that someone was trying to rob me (hardly likely, given my surroundings), I made a grab and found I had hold of yet another girl, who smiled flirtatiously at me and blew me a kiss before pulling her slippery wet hand from my grasp. Hardly had she disappeared into the throng than I felt another hand, this one surreptitiously but determinedly feeling its way down my lower abdomen. It belonged to the delicate girl, who was carefully looking the other way with an expression of faraway innocence as her fingers explored my groin. When they found their quarry they grabbed it firmly through my trousers and her face assumed a look of almost blissful wonder. And so it went on. As I tried to navigate my way to where I.
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